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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇴 has shared:

I don’t think either person should pay for the first date. It should be on the house.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has viewed:

Sometimes the best thing about my job is that my chair turns.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has shared:

Just blocked someone for correcting my spelling and it feelded great.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has viewed:

Feeling like Floyd in this May weather (illiterate and violent).

Someone from 🇻🇳 has downloaded:

Two mysterious people live in my house. “Somebody” and “Nobody.” Somebody did it and nobody knows who.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has copied:

Matcha. Dubai chocolate. Jealousy. Green is back in a big way, and likely due to deforestation.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has copied:

I told a joke during a Zoom meeting today. Nobody laughed. It turns out I’m not even remotely funny.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has downloaded:

I threw a ball for my dog. May be a little extravagant, but he looks great in a tux.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has viewed:

I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has downloaded:

Kinda sucks that I actually own a skeleton but don’t get to show anyone until I die.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

786 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,948

Funny Quotes Topics

13,918

Funny Quotes Images

10,948

40 minutes ago

3,445

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via TikTok:

My wife just admitted a mistake. What do I have to do now? What does this mean for my future? Help me!

Just landed via Pinterest:

These days I just accept the website cookies without any protest. Website is like Grandma, I’m not gonna fight with her.

Reported on Messenger:

Not much is worse than that feeling of going back to work after a lunch, or a vacation, or just going to work in general.

Spreading quickly via X:

I’m only here while I wait for that Nigerian prince to follow through on his end of the bargain.

Broadcasted on LinkedIn:

I was the most patient parent and then I had kids.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

Sometimes I say something so embarrassing I even impress myself.

Spotted on Discord:

Stop using ChatGPT. You got a question, you come to me first.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

Today I was in a taxi, and the taxi driver said, “I love my job. I am my own boss, nobody tells me what to do!” Then I said, “Turn left.”

Just shared via Threads:

Isn’t it odd that “read” is pronounced like “lead”, while “read” is pronounced like “lead”?

Spotted on Instagram:

I keep forgetting i’m at the age where people will tell me they’re pregnant and my reaction is supposed to be positive.

Home » Funny Except Quotes

27 Funny except quotes

Funny except quotes bring a twist to everyday sayings that make you stop, laugh, and think twice 😂✨ Perfect for sharing with friends or brightening your feed, these clever lines turn the usual into something unexpectedly hilarious 🤪🔥 Get ready to enjoy a fresh dose of wit and humor that’s anything but ordinary!

New funny except quotes 👇

1 day ago
Share →: I would do absolutely anything for my friends, except answer their text messages.

Commentary:
LOL, I'm the ultimate friend—forever in your heart, but never in your inbox! 😂📵🤷‍♂️
7 days ago
Share →: I’ve done literally nothing all day, except feel guilty about doing nothing all day.

Commentary:
Sounds like we both deserve the Procrastination Gold Medal! 🏅😴📅
2 weeks ago
Share →: Fitbits are just Tamagotchis, except the stupid animal you’re trying to keep alive is you.

Commentary:
"Just waiting for my Fitbit to start demanding I feed it, or worse, clean up after it! 😂🐾 #HumanGochi"
4 weeks ago
Share →: Hide and seek, except it’s my husband searching for where he last put his pants.

Commentary:
"When your husband’s pants play hide and seek better than the kids ever could! 🤦‍♂️👖🤣"
2 months ago
Share →: I always feel sleepy, except when I want to sleep.

Commentary:
"Story of my life: Professional insomniac by night, narcoleptic by day! 😴🦉😂"
2 months ago
Share →: I’m letting go of all earthly attachment — exactly like Buddha, except for the things I like and want.

Commentary:
"Achieving spiritual enlightenment one shopping spree at a time! 🛍️🧘‍♂️😂"
2 months ago
Share →: Good morning to everyone — except me, because I clearly didn’t get enough sleep.

Commentary:
"Good morning to all the yawning champions out there! 😴☕️ Let's hope coffee can fix what sleep didn't! 😂💤"
5 months ago
Share →: I’m willing to do anything for a job except write a cover letter.

Commentary:
Hiring managers beware: this job seeker is ready to tackle any task… as long as it doesn't involve crafting a dreaded cover letter! 📝🙅‍♂️ Who's got time for eloquent prose when there are memes to be browsed and snacks to be eaten, am I right? 😂 Stay tuned for the next episode of "Avoiding Cover Letters: A Memoir."
5 months ago
Share →: Good morning to everyone except the people who are missing the ability to read the room.

Commentary:
"Good morning to everyone except the ones still searching for their Roommate of the Year award 🤷‍♂️📚 Hope they stumble upon some good vibes today! 😂"
5 months ago
Share →: Good morning to everyone except those who need approval from strangers on the internet.

Commentary:
"Good morning to everyone starting their day with self-confidence and zero validation cravings! 🌞🙌 Keep slaying, no need for strangers' approval to shine! 💁‍♂️💫"

For even more funny except quotes, check out the next page, if available 👇

All funny except quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

New Funny Quotes

Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

786 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,948

Funny Quotes Topics

13,918

Funny Quotes Images

10,948

40 minutes ago

3,416

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇷 has shared:

My kids had to work extra hard this morning but they were able to get the clean house back to it’s normal messy state just in time for the guests to arrive.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has viewed:

I suffer from that syndrome where your neutral expression makes it look like you’re an angry serial killer.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has bookmarked:

About 40 muscles are activated when you eat just one donut. Follow me for more fitness advice.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has downloaded:

Sex is so embarrassing. Like, why did I want to do that to you?

Someone from 🇸🇮 has viewed:

Since I started following the wisdom of ancient Chinese philosopher Fuk Yu, my life has been so much better…

Someone from 🇧🇩 has shared:

Welcome to adulthood: you’re not exhausted, you’re just awake. Have a nice day.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has bookmarked:

I hate when my kids ask me impossible questions like: What day is it?

Someone from 🇧🇹 has bookmarked:

I’m not flirting with you. I’m just funny and you think you like me.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has copied:

When you drink red wine from a cup, it looks like fruit tea and you are also admired by others for your healthy lifestyle.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has viewed:

If you get hangovers, it’s because you drank the beers with impure intentions and heavy karmic debt.

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on Facebook:

I’m scared to go to an art museum, because what if they decide to keep me?

Shared recently on WeChat:

My mind not only wanders, sometimes it leaves completely!

Just shared via Pinterest:

It’s almost bed time, so I’ll just check my e-mail, Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, and watch a season of my favorite show on Netflix real quick.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

New challenge called “don’t say ‘wow it’s already dark by five these days’ for the rest of winter”

Trending via WeChat:

It’s so funny how every true crime documentary eventually devolves into a story about how the police botched the entire investigation.

Broadcasted on TikTok:

If my memory gets any worse, I’ll be able to plan my own surprise party.

Spreading quickly via LinkedIn:

So many songs that tell you to throw your hands in the air like you just don’t care, so few about the hazards of ceiling fans.

Trending via LinkedIn:

Being too stressed isn’t good for the baby. I’m not pregnant though, it’s just that I’m the baby.

Just shared via Messenger:

Clubbing is a phase that you must go through and get over.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

A freshly cleaned bathroom triggers an irresistible urge in men to trim their beard.

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