Good morning to everyone except people that talk to the cashier about their entire day. Posted on2 days ago
Everyone you know is fighting battles you don’t know about, except for my neighbor who just can not shut up about his battles. Posted on3 days ago
I love being wrong, it’s just like being right except easier and I get to be stupid, which is my favorite thing. Posted on4 days ago
Elections is like waiting for the results of a biopsy, except half your family hopes it’s cancer. Posted on4 days ago
Ants can be found on every continent except Antarctica, which is weird considering their name. Posted on4 days ago
Being on Twitter right now is like playing the violin on the Titanic, except we are also making fun of the iceberg and the iceberg is getting genuinely mad. Posted on4 days ago
Nothing is impossible, except for my daughter returning home with the hat and gloves she wore to school this morning. Posted on5 days ago
The Princess and the Pea, except it’s a rogue hair on the inside of my shirt driving me crazy all day. Posted on6 days ago
Good morning to everyone except my baby, who already said good morning to me at 1 a.m., 3 a.m., and 5:46 a.m. Posted on6 days ago