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52 Funny whole quotes

When you decorate your whole house for Christmas, what you’re really saying is “I’m not going to dust for at least a month.”

3 months ago

Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck got engaged, broke up, married other people, had children, reunited, got married, broke up again, and I’ve been single that whole time.

3 months ago

Jan 1st: Avocado on whole grain toast with a protein shake. Jan 20th: Syrup comes from a tree so technically it’s a vegetable.

3 months ago

Where do I sign up to be one of those influencers with 2M followers whose whole thing is just standing in front of other people’s content and nodding?

3 months ago

There is no bigger lie than “fun for the whole family”.

3 months ago

On the whole, people are getting smarter. I remember when they had to put “The End” on the screen, so people would know the movie was over.

3 months ago

I would never put up a lost dog poster. I’m not letting the whole neighborhood know I fumbled.

3 months ago

Why do fish stink so much even though they bathe their whole lives?

3 months ago

My husband has reached an age where he reads the menu out loud. The whole menu. And then he has questions. Please send help.

3 months ago

I no longer dislike Mondays, I’m mature now… I dislike the whole week.

3 months ago

The kids in Mrs. Doubtfire were pretty dumb if they couldn’t figure out that their nanny was famous actor Robin Williams the whole time.

3 months ago

Had chicken and egg for dinner because I wanted to eat the whole family.

3 months ago

Not sure if “life hack” exactly, but I fell down the stairs and now my whole family is being so nice and catering to my needs.

3 months ago

Girls will be like “it’s fine” and then go and curse your whole bloodline.

3 months ago

The recipe I’m making specifically says allow to cook undisturbed, and yet my whole family is standing in the kitchen.

3 months ago

“You look nervous” Thanks, I’ve been practicing my whole life.

3 months ago

Don’t let anyone treat you like a red flag, you’re the whole damn red carpet, baby.

3 months ago

Mayor of a small town is such a wild job. It’s like being the president of a country where you went to high school with the whole population.

3 months ago

Microplastics are a waste of time. I go straight to eating whole packaging.

3 months ago

You try to fart in the toilet in the morning without waking the whole house and thanks to the brilliant acoustics of the toilet bowl, the horn of Gondor sounds.

3 months ago