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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from πŸ‡ΉπŸ‡΄ has downloaded:

I’ve got a soft heart and a savage mouth. I’m like a Hallmark card written by Gordon Ramsay.

Someone from πŸ‡ΊπŸ‡¬ has downloaded:

Some people feel like unpaid actors in my sitcom called β€œWhat Fresh Chaos Is This?”

Someone from πŸ‡ΉπŸ‡Ώ has copied:

Hell hath no fury like a sports bra being applied to a just showered but not 100% dry body.

Someone from πŸ‡¬πŸ‡¦ has shared:

Texting is so boring. Just show up to my door with roses.

Someone from πŸ‡³πŸ‡ͺ has viewed:

Sometimes you send an email that requires a response, and the other person writes back right away, and it’s like NO NOT YET.

Someone from πŸ‡­πŸ‡Ή has shared:

Childbirth seems like an awful lot of work for an already saturated market.

Someone from πŸ‡ΈπŸ‡ͺ has bookmarked:

I am convinced that size matters, especially when it comes to the heart.

Someone from πŸ‡ΉπŸ‡² has downloaded:

I was 21 when I was 15, that’s why everything’s boring now.

Someone from πŸ‡¨πŸ‡» has copied:

Girls be like, “Baby, I have a great idea,” and it’s a trip you have to pay for.

Someone from πŸ‡³πŸ‡΅ has viewed:

I wish the homes of all my friends were connected to mine by secret underground tunnels.

Funny Quotes Data πŸ€“

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,503

Social Media Log πŸ’«

Shared recently on Instagram:

When planning dinner, remember that ice-cream has both calcium and protein.

Going viral on Threads:

Presumably, if you had a time machine, you could just kill young adult Hitler. The baby part seems gratuitous.

Shared recently on Discord:

A sperm bank implies the existence of sperm markets, which further implies the existence of high-frequency sperm trading.

Seen just now on Slack:

I am AOL Instant Messenger years old.

Spotted on Snapchat:

What idiot called it Catfishing your Tinder Contacts and not Playing With Matches?

Breaking via Telegram:

Whatever the plot is in Barbie’s movie, my dolls have been through worse.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

I thrive in a waiting room. You need me to sit in a chair and look at my phone? No worries, love, I do this at home.

Seen just now on YouTube:

Talking to the stars because people suck.

Shared recently on Messenger:

I find it extremely hard to believe that you’re rolling on the floor laughing.

Going viral on Telegram:

Introverts don’t recharge with sleep, we recharge by being left completely alone for 3–5 business days.

172 Funny girl quotes

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Funny Quotes Collections
✨ New Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

92 shares on Twitch this month:

My husband clearly believes that chairs just magically push themselves back in.

77 shares on TikTok this month:

Are there any medium rappers? They’re always Big or Lil.

68 shares on X this month:

Many men also have a walk-in closet. For them, it’s just called a floor.

74 shares on Telegram this month:

I’m not going to die because of an accident. Nor because of an illness. But from small talk. Someone will say one boring sentence too many and I’ll drop dead.

49 shares on WhatsApp this month:

The problem with self-checkout is that all the cashiers are idiots.

71 shares on Twitch this month:

A poorly timed two-factor authentication request will be the thing that finally kills me.

98 shares on Telegram this month:

β€œWhat do your tattoos mean?” They mean I can sit still for a long time.

76 shares on Facebook this month:

Y’all ever postpone an outfit? Like, nah, let me save this for a better day? Same.

69 shares on Instagram this month:

The sole purpose of your child’s middle name… is so they know when they’re really in trouble.

77 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Almonds are a scam. They are wood. You are eating wood.

Trending Topics πŸ“

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes πŸ’₯

15 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

If you think one of my posts is about you, it isn’t. Except this one.

7 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Half princess, half menace.

6 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

As a girl, I should be allowed to speak to the moon directly.

17 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

About four minutes into my run, I’ve decided I want to work on my personality instead.

23 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

People aren’t so bad if you stay indoors and don’t talk to them.

15 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

I’m actually not funny. I’m just really mean and people think I’m joking.

10 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

If I had today’s mind, I wouldn’t have made yesterday’s mistake. But if I hadn’t made yesterday’s mistake, I wouldn’t have today’s mind.

24 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

That awkward moment when you leave a store without buying anything, and all you can think is: “Act normal, you are innocent.”

12 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Hello pollen, my old friend, my nose is running once again.

15 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Cars should come with a secondary smaller “sorry” horn for when you do something a lil silly by accident.

Funny Quotes Data πŸ€“

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,721

Activity Log ✨

Someone from πŸ‡΅πŸ‡¦ has copied:

Yoga is just slow motion breakdancing.

Someone from πŸ‡ΉπŸ‡² has bookmarked:

One or the other, Lord – I can’t be broke and heartbroken.

Someone from πŸ‡ΊπŸ‡Έ has bookmarked:

No more learning experiences, please, God. I am smart enough.

Someone from πŸ‡§πŸ‡· has downloaded:

When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, that’s amore. When you swim in the sea and an eel bites your knee, that’s a moray.

Someone from πŸ‡¨πŸ‡» has downloaded:

And to my children I leave my collection of tote bags and gift bags.

Someone from πŸ‡¦πŸ‡© has downloaded:

Tattoos are a great convo starter. So as an introvert, I kinda regret getting them.

Someone from πŸ‡±πŸ‡Έ has bookmarked:

Terrible economy to ask a girl what’s wrong.

Someone from πŸ‡¦πŸ‡¬ has viewed:

Why would I spend money on the zoo when I can watch my colleagues for free?

Someone from πŸ‡±πŸ‡Ή has downloaded:

As a dad, you’re required to ask your neighbor β€œYou gonna do mine next?” when you see them raking leaves.

Someone from πŸ‡±πŸ‡¨ has viewed:

As a childless adult, it is my duty to embrace hobbies and pastimes that my peers cannot, as they have sacrificed their free time to maintain the population. I must vibe and chill, and do fun things, in their honor.

Social Media Log πŸ’«

Making waves on Instagram:

Love crawling into bed like it’s a spa retreat, only to wake up like I survived a bar fight.

Seen just now on Instagram:

Pronouncing hyperbole like guacamole.

Broadcasted on Messenger:

I’m awake and working. Please respect my privacy during these trying and emotional times.

Breaking via Instagram:

β€œYour boos mean nothing to me. I’ve seen what you cheer.” Is a goated doctrine. If Rick and Morty gave us anything, it gave us that.

Freshly posted on Threads:

The sole purpose of some household items is to make it impossible for you to open the damn drawer.

Spotted on Threads:

Being bi means you say both yay and bruh.

Live now on Facebook:

Imagine not sighing when you think about your life.

Making waves on Twitch:

Congrats on hitting your Q3 numbers. Here’s an even bigger Q4 number that you’ll be fired for missing.

Freshly posted on Discord:

If you’re in first class on a flight, sometimes they upgrade you to captain.

Going bananas on LinkedIn:

All the leaves are brown. And this guy is Greg.

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