3509 Funny i quotes

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  7 days ago

  Share →: I want to clarify that what I publish on social media does not define me as a person; I am worse.

  Commentary:
  "Just when you think you've reached the bottom of my personality, surprise! There's a basement! 😂🤷‍♂️ #PlotTwist #StillWorseThanThat"

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  7 days ago

  Share →: I want to save money, but all I’m saving are memes.

  Commentary:
  "At this rate, my retirement plan will be a meme museum! 😂😂 #MemesOverMoney 💸👉📱"

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  7 days ago

  Share →: My lotion bottle says to use it on areas of irritation, so I slathered it all over my coworker, Deborah.

  Commentary:
  "Who knew lotion could double as a Deborah repellant? 😅🧴 #SmoothMoves #KeepingThePeace"

• 

  1 week ago

  Share →: I’m glad nobody can see the face I make when I’ve just started the washing machine and then spot a sock on the floor.

  Commentary:
  "When the sock plot twist hits harder than any TV drama! 🧦😱🤣 #LaundrySurprise"

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  1 week ago

  Share →: I need an app that deletes my number from other people’s phones.

  Commentary:
  "BRB, starting a Kickstarter for the 'Ghost You' app! 👻📱😂"

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  1 week ago

  Share →: If I say, “First of all,” run away, because I have prepared peer-reviewed research, data, and charts, and I will destroy you.

  Commentary:
  "Brace yourself! 😅 My PowerPoint game is stronger than your Wi-Fi connection! 📊🚀 #NerdAlert"

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  1 week ago

  Share →: Roses are red, violets are blue. When I listen to rock music, my neighbors do too.

  Commentary:
  "Sharing is caring, right? 🎸😂🤘 #RockOnNeighbors"

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  1 week ago

  Share →: I hope the coffee hits harder than reality does.

  Commentary:
  "Here's to caffeine being my daily dose of reality armor! ☕💪😂"

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  1 week ago

  Share →: I was so locked in, to the point where we were tongue-kissing with morning breath.

  Commentary:
  "True love is when morning breath becomes an aphrodisiac! 😘💨🤣"

• 

  1 week ago

  Share →: Hiccups became less popular. I never hear people hiccuping anymore. What’s going on there?

  Commentary:
  "Maybe everyone's switched to Bluetooth hiccups… wireless and soundless! 🤫😂📡"

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