I’m going to start walking around in my yard all day in a bathrobe so my neighbors will build that privacy fence I always wanted.

If the first thing you do in the morning is checking your emails, you’re starting your day with other people’s problems.

Girls will be like “it’s fine” then start drawing a pentagram in blood on their floorboards.

Today marks a five year anniversary of how I’ll start going to the gym tomorrow.

Some people post such depressing love shit that I start to miss their exes myself!

I’m gonna start sending women unsolicited pizza pics.

Might start a YouTube channel “will it hurt if I drop it on my foot”.

I just start doing the Macarena when I want to end conversations now.

I did the math and a second job would help me get out of debt as long as I start it twelve years ago.

The second half of your life begins when you stop wanting to get even and start wanting to get odd.

I’m gonna start telling men I know a spot and it’s just me dropping them off at therapy.

Start every meeting with, “Let’s just agree to disagree.”

I never finish what I start. I have a black belt in partial arts.

I’m not a morning person. I’m not even an afternoon person. I pretty much start functioning after 6pm.

If you ever go backpacking in the wilderness, be sure to wear corduroy pants, so you can start a fire if needed.

My boss told me to start every presentation with a joke. The first slide was my paycheck.

Instead of calling it the John I’m going to start calling my bathroom the Jim. That way I can say I go to the Jim every morning.

Start each day with a positive thought, like: “I can go back to bed in just 17 short hours.”

If I got a Dollar for every time I thought about you, I would start thinking about you.